Hi everyone! I'm Khimarra, I like to go by Khim. I'm so happy I found this community! I've been watching Olivia's videos for a few months, and I've been lurking here for a month or so now, but I finally decided to introduce myself.
My story is going to be a little long and a lot personal, but here we go: I grew up in a fairly agnostic household, though both of my parents are semi-Christian. My brother and I have always been a bit more agnostic/atheist, but we also both seem to have some psychic abilities. For example, my brother named me before my parents even knew I was a girl, and was also found playing with a little space shuttle toy he had never played with before, making an explosion noise every so often, the day the Challenger blew up. In my case, I seem to be sensitive to the ghosts of animals, and I have way too many stories to list here, but if anyone is interested, I'll happily relate some of them.
I've always been into all things spooky and mysterious, and my aesthetic has always been pretty witchy, but I didn't even consider witchcraft until somewhat recently. This is partly due to the first impression I got of Wicca back in high school. Several of my classmates were Wiccan and were... well, annoying and pretentious about it. One in particular would perform rituals on her desk in the middle of class. I have always been curious about religion and spirituality and love learning about different belief systems, but I think because that was my first look at Wicca, I just never looked up what it really is. Until recently. I finally started reading about Wicca and realized I connect with a lot of it. I have always believed in some form of karma, the idea that everything happens for a reason, and as humans we have a responsibility to do no harm and take care of the rest of the planet (sadly most people are not very good at it). I began thinking maybe I should consider Wicca for myself, but I couldn't bring myself to pick a god pantheon to worship because... well... I'm atheist. I don't want to actively worship something I don't and can't believe in. This led me to google what it means to be an atheistic witch, which opened up a whole new world for me. I feel a little silly for never having realized witchcraft doesn't necessarily mean Wiccan. The more I read about being a witch, the more I realized I think I have always been a witch, I just didn't know it. I have a lot of personal superstitions (mostly adapted from other superstitions) such as making a wish if you happen to catch the clock at 11:11. Also, if you're competing for money in some way, don't carry money in your pocket because that's all you'll end up with. I also have a lot of rituals I like to perform. I've realized those rituals are basically spellwork. The day I started calling myself a witch, everything just felt right. I have been dealing with anxiety, depression, and ADHD for as long as I can remember, and witchcraft has been more helpful in managing all three than any medication or talk therapy ever has been. I've tried meditation many times in the past, but I've never been able to actually do it because with my ADHD, I end up feeling like my brain is about to explode. When I tried it with more intent, thinking about grounding and using tools, I found that I was actually able to hold my focus for a couple minutes, and the more I practiced, the easier it got. It only took about a week before I was able to get my brain down to only one thought. That's new and exciting for me, it's a really freeing feeling after spending most of my life feeling like I have a hive of bees buzzing around in my head. I ended up casting my first spell during a full moon, and without getting into too much detail, I cast a spell to banish my inner ghosts; specifically the anxiety that comes from having ADHD. (I've heard it referred to as rejection sensitive dysphoria, but that's a very new designation so a lot of doctors aren't on board with it yet) The spell worked. So well that I almost can't believe it. I used to have daily panic attacks, thinking my best friend hates me, or that I'll never hear from them again, or whatever. (aren't mental disorders fun???) But ever since I cast my spell, I haven't had a single panic attack. I haven't even had a single moment of worrying that my friend hates me. If you hadn't guessed, I'm a pretty open person, so I wasn't shy about telling people that I've gotten into witchcraft from the very beginning. Most people were not surprised, a lot were happy for me. My brother mostly just wants to know "do you HAVE to call it being a witch?" but otherwise seems to think it's a good thing for me. My mom is really the only person I've told who has had a negative reaction. She seems to think I am trying to summon demons or something, despite me pointing out that I can't summon something I don't believe in. I'm sure she'll come around, though, I'm not worried. The one person I still haven't told is my best friend. I call him my best friend, but really he's a love interest. I met him about 2.5 years ago and have had feelings for him for at least 2 years. He knows I'm attracted to him, but I've never told him there are feelings involved. I think he knows. Either way, he's busy getting over a relationship of 10 years that ended very badly, so I'm not pushing anything. At any rate, I want to tell him I'm a witch, and he basically already knows every other detail of my life, but something keeps stopping me. I think I'm afraid he'll be the one person to judge me, and I don't want him to lose respect for me, but I also know that if he does, that says more about him than me. Hopefully soon I'll muster the courage to reveal my inner witch to him. Overall, I am so excited to be on this new path, and I love this community! <3 Khim