Before I ask my question, I have to give some context.
I was invited for a picnic near my childhood neighborhood and took that as a chance to go back to have a walk around before meeting up with everyone. I had been dreaming vividly about this area, so I figured I could feel some nostalgia and maybe reconcile some unconscious problems that maybe I needed to figure out. A double mental whammy!
So I start walking around my childhood neighborhood. Going trough the area in such deep nostalgia and fascination that I had to take my headphones off to just feel the vibes fully. It felt like walking trough a dream, it was surprisingly trippy. One point as I walked past a place that reminded me of some childhood hurt, I stopped to think.
"This still hurts me. It's been 20 years and still I feel it."
I was asking myself why I felt like that. After a couple of deep breaths the bad vibes started melting away. And then it clicked.
As a child you don't have control, you are basically a sapling that is being taken care of. A little rooted plant that needed some help from gardeners. And in my case instead of attention from the gardeners, water and sun I got the opposite and dried up for a long time. I stayed small for a long time...
Standing there where I remember the drought, the little sapling that didn't always get what it needed to grow into a flower...
I felt like now I stood there as a flower. A flower that figured out how to bloom all by herself.
I felt powerful. I felt like a survivor. I knew I didn't need to fear the past anymore. It made me into the flower I grew into today.
I imagined that I put all this hurt into a pebble, and throwing it in the ocean to be cleansed.
After that I have felt like a million bucks. I feel light, strong, confident. I feel amazing!
Here is the question:
What would you call this kind of a moment? It felt incredibly magical, and special. I tried to articulate it and figure out what I could call that experience of realization and mental cleansing. Is there a term for it?
Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far. Just writing this out felt really good, and I hope you get a similar feeling from reading it.
Sending some love vibes to everyone. ❤️
I don't think there's just one word to describe an experience like this one because it's occurring on so many levels. I agree with Kalimonsterr -- and for that aspect of the experience, I think "epiphany" (a moment of sudden realization or insight) is the word you're looking for. You reached a moment in your life where you came to the realization that your is is just that: your past. You are a different person now, with greater insight and greater strength and a much larger "toolbox" to choose from when dealing with life, able to use the knowledge gained from your past while uncoupling yourself from the pain you had experienced. (Congratulations on that, by the way; I've known far too many people who,sadly, never reach that point in their life.)
I would also consider this moment to be a type of personal syzygy. (Isn't that an amazing word?!?) It normally refers to three celestial objects being in a straight line, commonly either of the two points in its orbit where the moon is directly in line with the sun & the earth. In a sense, that was you at this moment in your life when your experience, emotions, and knowledge connected you clearly and directly with your past and your future while you stood firmly rooted in your present.
I'm sure there are plenty of other words that would suffice, but -- as you say -- this is not the type of experience that lends itself well to spoken/written language so I'm going to deactivate my word nerd mode now. :-)
Wow I was enamored by your answer! I always love learning new concepts and words to enhance my English vocabulary. I love nerding out over many things, so you don't ever have to feel you over nerd with me, let your inner nerd FREE!
Thank you so much for your answer, it really did help along with KaliMonsterr to better understand that wonderful moment. It really does give you power to understand yourself, even when there are no words for your feeling or thoughts.
Thank you for taking the time to write this, you rock!
I would call it realizing how much you've grown and how far you've come as a person! Sometimes life as a child can be scary, and those fears will linger until you maybe work past them and realize one day how you're not as scared anymore. Congrats ❤
Thank you so much for replying Kalimonster! I guess it doesn't need a special magical term, what you said is totally correct. Realizing can be as much magic and any ritual or spiritual moment. Thank you! ❤
Nice post with some very nice comments. Like said some things are just beyond words or words just can't seem to do it full justice.I could relate to this post as I'm sure many can. If had to choose word, that word would be CLOSURE. That bad experience from long did do some scarring and looking at it all like it were a puzzle and those events were somebody cramming in pieces backwards and into wrong areas effected your over all picture and feeling of life....You were strong enough to keep working on your puzzle though..and now going back on that visit you paused and saw those messed up pieces. Then realized I can finally just fix these pieces and they are now no longer and underlying negative or burden to my beautiful puzzle. This can produce just what you said in the end... I'd be shocked if you weren't vibrating with new energy as this is a mini type spiritual awakening type feeling.Not surprised if you found yourself doing something new and/or starting long desired projects after this.
Closure huh, that makes a lot of sense. The experience did give me a sense of progress. I don't know if I'm saying this correctly, but that experience felt like "The World" and now I am back at "The fool". Like I started a new journey!
I LOVED the puzzle metaphor you used, t feels so right when you put it that way!
Funny you should say if I tried something new, because that is exactly what I did and learned a lot about myself. I got more in touch with my feminine energy and even learned more about my sexuality.
It's been really great.
Thank you for taking the time to reply WoodWalkerD!