I find myself in a uncomfortable state. I married into a Roman Catholic family. They currently do not really practice but still hold onto certain things, baptism being one of them. This past Sunday (November 10th), was my one brother in law’s 3month old son’s baptism. Usually I don’t bat an eye and just do my own thing in the church, seeing as I am not baptized Catholic or in any religious faith. How did I manage to marry my husband in a Catholic Church you ask? Well that is for another time, but it is a good story. We went in as usual, sat down behind the god parents and were doing our thing. Then as I was looking around the church I noticed these two banners, and I got this feeling of deep betrayal, sadness, hurt and even a bit of rage all rise up within me. The one banner has these words on it “I have hidden your word in my heart” and the other said “I am the way, the truth, the life“. It took all of my energy and strength not to stand up, yell and protest that “there is more than one way! And how could you take away our rituals, traditions and beliefs Like that! You had no right to treat us that way!!” I could not wait till we could get out of there. As I sat beside my husband surrounded by family, and the rest of the congregation and lookEd at those banners, I feel that the banner that read ”I have hidden your word in my heart” was more of a secret meaning of the Catholic/Christian church taking away our “pagan“ rituals, stealing/adapting things from the ancient traditions to warp and twist them to make them their own, and bury the original teachings, rituals and traditions deep within their ways so as they could make others follow what they felt was the right way. I felt like my identity had been taken and destroyed.
Ihave been in that church many times with my husbands family. Hell we got married there, our daughters were baptized there (I pick my battles with the in-laws ok! That was one battle I was not fighting), two brother in laws were married there, as well as many family baptism’s were performed there, not to mention when my husband attended regular church Service and we went every week. But not once did I feel betrayed. I often felt bored and annoyed we had to be there, but never so angry and upset by a couple of banners and a baptism like I was right then. I felt like they weren’t allowing our nephew the chance to decide what he wanted to believe in (yes I realize I did the same thank you). I also felt like the Catholic/Christian Church was deceitful, sneaky, horrible, controlling and just down right disgusting. Yes I know there has been so many wars and conflict over religion, and I know how the catholic/Christian church tortured, killed, ostracized, and coerced anyone who did not follow their path, especially witches, but never have I felt those feelings come boiling up before. Now is this because I have taken the next step in my life and path and have been a much more mindful witch? Is this my ancestors feelings of hurt, betrayal coming through? Or is this my spirt/soul showing me my history? I am very intrigued as to why all of a sudden this was So personal to me and felt like I had been attacked but the church,Personally. If anyone has some Insite or thoughts on this sudden clarity so to speak please share them. Has anyone else have this happen before?
Hey! I definitely can empathize with how you feel. As far as why these feelings are coming up now, there could be a lot of reasons! All of the possibilities you listed are valid, and its really up to you to figure out why you are feeling this way! It could be because you are learning more about what has happened to witches in the past and feeling more connected to their struggles, or you might be connecting to an ancestor who was targeted by the Church. It could even be something subconscious! But you are not alone in feeling the way you do! Many people feel angry/hurt from the actions of Christian/Catholic churches, especially those who are targeted for whatever reason. I'd recommend consulting your preferred tool for divination to try and gain more insight on where these feelings are coming from. Hope this helped!