I am very new to witchcraft and one of the things that seems to be the most difficult for me is the whole concept of believing that your intention will manifest. I've seen all over the place that this is one of the most important parts of spellcasting, and that without it you just won't get results. The problem: I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For those of you who don't know much about how OCD actually works, let me give you the short version.
Everyone gets irrational thoughts. It's part of how the brain works. They're the weird thoughts that pop into your head like "what if I drove off the road right now" or "what if I touched something today that had a deadly germ on it". A normal brain will filter out these thoughts and throw them in the trash, because they are not worth worrying about. An OCD brain has a broken filter. The irrational thoughts bypass the part of the brain that reminds you what is and isn't important, and start to cause anxiety (the obsession) which can be solved by performing a task (the compulsion). Not long after the anxiety has subsided though, it comes back, requiring you to perform the task again. This creates a cycle of anxiety and compulsions (the disorder) that the person suffering can't stop without outside help (medication or therapy, usually).
Now, what does this have to do with witchcraft? My personal obsessions revolve around two things: doing the right thing, and being absolutely certain. While the more harmful side of my OCD is controlled with treatment, I still struggle with a lot of fear that I am doing things wrong. My irrational thoughts tell me that I have to be certain, and since that is impossible, I find myself in a constant state of doubt. Usually my doubts have to do with religion, morals, and beliefs. How do I know what to believe if I can never be certain?
Herein lies the problem. To cast a spell, I have to be able to believe that it will succeed. But I can't - I try to make myself believe, but that constant fear in the back of my head just won't go away. I haven't tried casting anything yet because I've only just started my journey, but I am worried that when the time comes I won't be able to actually manifest anything. Has anyone else experienced something like this?